Work-Life Balance

We thought that there was plenty of time for shopping before the holiday rush, but the stores have given us a wake-up call to do some serious buying! While shopping yesterday I noticed that the shelves were already lined with the latest toys for both young and old. The Christmas carols could be heard in the background as the shoppers scurried from store to store to fill their lists early.

The holiday season can be an enjoyable time with family and friends or it can be a depressing time of loneliness and isolation. Unfortunately for some it is the latter. Expectations run very high around Christmas as we are often busy planning, shopping, partying and unfortunately sometimes grieving over the loss of a loved one.

While in a dollar store last week I observed a fellow shopper loading her cart with 30 gift bags. Immediately, I began to feel a touch of stress and was glad that I was not in her shoes. Can you imagine the work and stress she must be feeling having to fill all of those bags with just the right kind of gift?

Let’s consider some things that we can do to help minimize stress during this season and make Christmas a more joyful time of fun and tradition.

Simplify Gift Giving

Psychologist John Carnes says that “a gift is just a gift, not a testimony to the depth of your feeling for someone.” Until a few years ago a number of women friends and I would exchange gifts every Christmas. In time this became a chore rather than a joy, so we decided instead to meet after Christmas for a catch-up visit and a cup of coffee. This change of tradition has brought a measure of stress-relief for me and for my friends as well.

Consider these holiday stress relievers:

• If there are a number of adults involved in gift giving, consider drawing names. In this way, each person will be responsible for buying only one gift. Set a limit for the amount to spend per gift and each person would make a list of the gifts they would like.

• A real time saver which is becoming more popular is to buy a gift card purchased from the person’s favorite store. This allows them to buy exactly what they want.

• If you enjoy baking, or are good at crafts give these items as gifts.

• Avoid last minute shopping. Shop early and you will have more time to enjoy the sights and sounds of Christmas without the nagging feeling of guilt for having to make a last minute purchase.

• By keeping physically fit you can avoid holiday stress and at the same time work off some Christmas calories.

• Gather the family around a calendar and decide what each would want to do to celebrate the season. Then make specific plans for looking at Christmas lights, do some outdoor activities together, or go shopping. Knowing what you will be doing and when, will keep you from feeling overwhelmed.

Simplify Traditions

Create a family tradition of helping at the food bank, at an outreach centre, or even helping to serve those less fortunate at some mission. There is no better heritage that we can leave our children than that of reaching out. By doing so, our minds will be freed from the excessive commercialization that constantly bombards us at this time of the year.

Often in the past, I would become so caught up in the festivities that I turned the joy of baking into a big wearisome production, adding more stress to my month. I used to fill the kitchen and dining room tables with loads of cookies, squares and truffles, and then I would wonder who I could share these with. Now, to keep from being overwhelmed, I only bake a few of my favorites and give them to a few select people.

As for card giving, I have given up all the signing and licking of cards, and now spend time on the phone with those close to me. I used to feel guilty when I received a card from someone not on my list and then felt obligated to reciprocate. There is no spirit of giving in that! Sending a Christmas email is a thoughtful and easy way to send greetings. I used to spend an entire day decorating the house—now I put out a tree and only a few favorite decorations. This gives me more time to relax and enjoy the “reason for the season.”

Simplify Gatherings

Who shall we invite to the party? What shall I serve? Why the Joneses, the Browns and the Smileys invited us last year; we must reciprocate. How would it look if we didn’t?  Oh my, I just don’t know how I can fit it all in! Thoughts like these are sure to steal our joy.

• To avoid Christmas burnout, plan a family gathering in January when you can better pamper your loved ones. Plan some new traditions by possibly having Christmas dinner at a new location, or consider having the oldest child carve the turkey, or give the cook a gift by going to a nice restaurant.

An Added Joy

Give a never-ending gift to a needy family by sponsoring through the many charitable organizations.  At this time of year some charities publish a gift catalogue through which we can give a one-time gift. Some ideas are: sight for a blind mother or father, a pair of goats or pigs to another family, or a rooster and two hens to another. I asked each of our grandchildren to pick what they wanted to send. They loved the challenge. I invite you to have a look at the web site of the charity that I chose this year: www.cbmicanada.org. Once on the site, click on Donate, and see Gifts of Life Catalogue in the pull-down menu on the right. One can see the joy on the faces of the children as they care for their farm animals and the smiles on the parents’ faces as they start a new family business.

Hold it a moment! The holiday season is to be a time of fellowship, rest and rejuvenation. You can make it so by paying attention to what is important and dropping what is not. Take a load off yourself. Instead of having a “to do list”, make a “do not do list.”

Our world is becoming increasingly bombarded by hype and commercialization, and never more than at this time of the year. Do we have to enter into the fray? I say NO!

We can tailor the holidays to ourselves. Celebrate it “our way” and then do what we love to do.
As someone once said, “the holidays should be for what’s possible, not necessarily what’s ideal.”

To Lighten Your Day

The TV news people keep saying that this could be the greatest Christmas we ever had. I kind of thought the first one was.

There’s something new this Christmas. They’ve just come up with a cross between a turkey and a porcupine. It’s delicious and you can pick your teeth at the same time!

Until next time, this is “Nurse Audrey” signing off!

We have two elm trees in our front yard. Although they both began their growth from the same type of elm seed, they have matured looking quite differently. As nature would have it, the elms are provided with very sturdy trunks and heavy branches. These branches fan out into a network of smaller ones that sprout leaves which give a refreshing shade in the summer.

One of our elms has followed its usual expected course as set up by nature – a beautiful trunk with a number of branches fanning to a symmetrical shape, much like an umbrella.

However, its sibling has not faired so well; its shape is not pleasing to the eye. The sturdy trunk is there, but about half way up, a defiant branch has set out on its own course and is now reaching its long bent arm over our neighbor’s roof.  Another branch is hovering precariously over our roof, while the third one is heading for the sidewalk. Originally, our expectation was to have two elm trees growing side by side, each proudly displaying its branches in beautiful symmetrical form. But as results show, with one of them this did not happen.

Can we apply this object lesson to something in everyday life? We might compare the growth of the two elms to the growth of siblings raised in the same family. Most of us know of families that have two or more children. Each child may have different personality traits and character temperaments. Two children are raised in the same home environment and by all indications basically treated the same. Yet one grows into a strong and wise person able to handle adversity in a positive way, while the other grows up passive and making unwise choices. What makes the difference in the makeup and character of the two siblings?

As I thought about this, I formed a few ideas:

• We need to take into consideration the dynamics of gene formation; no two children have the same DNA. This is the first and important hidden difference.
• Then, of course there is the birth order situation. Research shows that a child’s birth order can have a significant determination on his/her behavior.
• As much as we may not want to believe it, no two children are raised exactly alike. Take into consideration, how the oldest child may face stricter rules, while subsequent children may be allowed more freedom
• We also want to consider that through the years, the positive emotional growth, as experienced by the parents themselves, will impact the children.
• Another important aspect that contributes to the sibling differences is the temperament/personalities of the children, and how each trait is strengthened or altered by the expectations of parents and society.

Let’s take a look at our own children or siblings and see how different they are. Should you have someone in your family whose growth resembles that of the stray elm tree, remember they did not choose their temperament, birth order, or genes. As for the stray elm tree, we have the option of pruning it and getting rid of the dangerous and awkward branches. This would definitely enhance its structural integrity and aesthetic value. So with any negative differences we see, let’s first strive toward changing our own behavior toward them. If our behavior is hurtful, critical, or manipulative, then let us work toward boosting their self-image by emphasizing all the positive aspects of their growth and behavior, and deemphasizing all the negative ones.

What may be their greatest needs?

• To be accepted like they are
• For us to take the time to really understand why they are like they are
• To set boundaries as to their behavior and know when we need to take a step back
• To encourage and challenge them to make more healthy choices

Have a laugh on me!

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.

Better to be safe than…punch a 5th grader.

Never underestimate the power of…termites.

You can lead a horse to water but…how?

Don’t bite the hand that…looks dirty.

No news is… impossible.

A miss is as good as a… Mr.

You can’t teach an old dog new… math.

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll… stink in the morning.

Love all, trust… me.

The pen is mightier than the… pigs.
Until next time…this is Nurse Audrey signing off.

The Meltdown in the Global Financial Markets

“The Bush administration and top law makers agreed upon a deal to
authorize the biggest banking rescue in US history.”
Wall Street Journal

In the light of the economic and financial woes facing the United States, I thought to write about the importance of having priorities in both our business and personal affairs.
 
What we know about the economic and financial crisis is what we hear and read from the various news media. But we do not sit in our smug little homes and judge the situation without knowing some important details surrounding the crisis. So I write from my best knowledge and information gleaned from the past few days.

From all indications, there seems to have been problems brewing in the financial system a few years earlier even before the present meltdown began.

A few questions we can ask:

1. Was there any “cooking of the books” in the large money lending institutions and was it directed by top corporate executives?
2. Was there trouble brewing in the economic and financial system that went unheeded? I understand that there were a few high-ranking government officials who years earlier voiced their concerns about the reckless lending practices of some banks and financial institutions.
3. Did the lending institutions make it too easy for clients to borrow money even beyond their ability to repay?
4. And because of this, were clients given a false sense of security when borrowing for a mortgage, feeling that the housing markets would remain strong?

Let’s take a closer look at these one by one:

1. When working for a company, the virtues of honesty and integrity should be the cornerstone of any business dealings. If keeping our job depends on being dishonest in any way, it is time to let our conscience rule and to act accordingly. Of course this relates as well to executives of any corporation. Asking employees to be dishonest in any way sets a dangerous precedent.
2. Government officials are elected to be the watchdogs of society and in good faith they should fulfill this mandate. We, as the general public and tax payers, expect them to look out for our best interests. Politicians cannot be asleep at the switch, so to speak, but should use their positions to oversee and prevent such economic crises from ever occurring. We need to have confidence in our elected officials; and when this is eroded, society in general becomes cynical and untrusting.
3. I cannot understand why lending institutions would allow such massive debts to accumulate while serving trusting clients with easy loans. Was it greed on the part of the lending institutions? Was it that they did not scrutinize the credit ratings of prospective borrowers? Or was it that they simply wanted to give people an easy way to realize their dream of home ownership?  Whatever the reason, according to the Washington Post, America finds herself facing billions of dollars of failed mortgages, with the result that credit markets, businesses, and consumers will have a hard time getting loans from banks and other lending institutions.
4. The old saying, “If it looks too good to be true, it probably is” can aptly be applied to this situation. Now the Federal Government wants to bail out Wall Street (not favorable with many), and in the process restore the flow of credit to Main Street’s home owners and businesses. 

My heart goes out to the many families and ordinary people who have lost their homes and their dreams for a better life; and in some cases are now worse off than they were before.

My conclusion is: In the end, our happiness in life cannot depend on what we own, wish to own, or see what others own, but to be satisfied to live within our means during these challenging times.

Is there a message in this sad tale for all of us? I leave it for you to decide for yourself.

Until next time, this is Nurse Audrey signing off!

This morning as I was having a shower and while the water was coursing down my face, I reached out for what I thought was the shampoo. I placed a dab of it in my hand and rubbed it through my hair, but somehow the result was not what I expected. It did not lather or foam up; something just did not feel right. Through my blurred vision and sense of feel, I realized that, as I have done before, I had picked up the conditioner instead of the shampoo! Choosing the only other bottle available, I massaged its contents through my hair. To my delight, it was the shampoo; things were now in order!

This may seem like a simple example of an idea I want to present, but in it lies an important message. How many times have we taken a course of action that we thought was the right one, only to find out later that it was not? The consequences that followed our actions may have negatively impacted not only us but also our families and our job situation. It is important that to avoid making wrong choices when facing a challenge, a problem, or opportunity that we not just ask ourselves questions about, but answer them too.

Some of the lessons we can learn:

I believe that we all face challenges that require us to make wise decisions, because these challenges are presented for our personal growth. Now, I can hear some groans, and one of them is coming from me! These challenges can be compared to the skins of an onion. Each layer represents a lesson to be learned. And if we have failed to learn from the last lesson, we may find ourselves facing more difficult challenges as we peel off the skins from succeeding layers. Every one of us can learn from our mistakes and turn them into strengths that will help build our character. Or we can do as I did with the conditioner, not looking carefully at the label and thereby failing once again to learn from the last time. Even so, in the future I will set the shampoo and the conditioner in separate locations before showering, and from this lesson make wise decisions before taking any future course of action.
Why have we not learned from past lessons?

• It may be that we did not take the time to carefully process the initial information and, therefore, we fail to grow and learn from it.

• Sometimes we may have issues that stem from our upbringing, and the process of delving into the past to learn from them may be too painful. In order to cope with life, we behave in a way consistent with our upbringing. And we continue to face everyday life making the same mistakes, not learning from past lessons.

• It may be that we are in a codependent relationship where our behavior is dependent on what others think of us. We want to please them, and so to avoid conflict, we continue to make the same mistakes. 

I encourage each of you, as I will do, not to focus on your past mistakes, but rather learn from them. It will help bring out your best and the best others.

Thought’s for the Day:

There is a certain relief in change, even though it be from bad to worse; as I found in traveling in a stagecoach, that it is often a comfort to shift one’s position and be bruised in a new place.
~ Washington Irving, Tales of a Traveler

Determination, patience and courage are the only things needed to improve a situation. And, if you want a situation changed badly enough, you will find these three things.
~ Anonymous

Until next time, this is Nurse Audrey signing off.

What’s over? you ask. Why, it’s the lazy hazy days of summer. It almost feels like we are on the threshold of a new year. Because it is “back to school time” this newsletter is devoted to some important issues pertaining to parenting. Should you have children that are facing some “back to school issues” you may have more on your plate than you are bargaining for. The first flush and excitement of the new school year will soon wear off, the homework will come fast and furious; the meeting of new friends and the need to “fit in” will become paramount.

Beginning junior and senior high school can be stressful to many adolescents. It can be likened to being in a play: Where do I fit in? Am I the lead actor or a supporting actor, the director, or one of the stage hands? Then when I find my place, what type of interaction will I have with the others in the play? As a parent who wants the very best for your children you can help them adjust to the challenges of a new school year by being engaged in the entire process.

How then can you as a parent help prepare your child to be ready for the upcoming school year? As we all know there are the school supplies, clothes and other items needed for them to start the year successfully. However, we do not want to forget some of the more intrinsic values important for character building. We as parents must teach by example how to be polite and considerate of others, and how to adapt to difficult situations. Teach them that they cannot always control the outcome of every situation but they can control how they respond. Children need to behave more politely than how they feel. Winning fairly and losing graciously is what we as adults need to model at all times. The old saying “Do as I say, not as I do” will not work! Children who learn these valuable character traits will surely be started on the right track to success in life.

Martin Brokenleg, a professor of Native American Studies at Augustana College in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, says that our children are starving emotionally for our attention. On the average, a mother spends only three minutes a day communicating with her child, while the average dad spends forty-nine seconds. Spending quality family time with your children, reinforcing acceptable behavior may be the most important thing parents can do for their children. Tiffany Francis, an etiquette teacher, says: “Cooperation, punctuality, conversation skills and respect are all learned around the dining table.” If you are a person who works outside the home, another dimension will be added to the mix. I have raised three children while holding part-time work outside the home, so I can relate to the time constraints you may be experiencing.

In all the busyness of life, we as parents must remember that our most important role is to nurture resilient children with the strength of spirit to deal with adversity. Adversity builds character and a solid character leads to a more successful life. And we cannot help them develop character if we give them every material thing they desire.

Thoughts to ponder

• Parenting is not for sissies or for those who are faint of heart.
• An important step in negotiating the mine fields of parenting is to realize that we are not our child’s friend; we are their parent and in being so there will be tough decisions to make.
• A sense of humor is one of the most valuable assets of a parent.
• From the time our children are babies, they know how to push our buttons, so don’t give in.
• Post this statement on your fridge: “No is a complete sentence in our home.”
• In these days of frenzied activity, we need to let our children be children and to make life as uncomplicated for them as possible

To lighten your day:

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
Jerry M. Wright

I’m not forty; I’m eighteen with twenty years experience.
Anonymous

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.
Oscar Wilde

For more detailed help on how to raise your teens successfully check out: Slow Parenting in a Fast Paced World at NurseAudrey.com/resources.html