Work-Life Balance

We have two elm trees in our front yard. Although they both began their growth from the same type of elm seed, they have matured looking quite differently. As nature would have it, the elms are provided with very sturdy trunks and heavy branches. These branches fan out into a network of smaller ones that sprout leaves which give a refreshing shade in the summer.

One of our elms has followed its usual expected course as set up by nature – a beautiful trunk with a number of branches fanning to a symmetrical shape, much like an umbrella.

However, its sibling has not faired so well; its shape is not pleasing to the eye. The sturdy trunk is there, but about half way up, a defiant branch has set out on its own course and is now reaching its long bent arm over our neighbor’s roof.  Another branch is hovering precariously over our roof, while the third one is heading for the sidewalk. Originally, our expectation was to have two elm trees growing side by side, each proudly displaying its branches in beautiful symmetrical form. But as results show, with one of them this did not happen.

Can we apply this object lesson to something in everyday life? We might compare the growth of the two elms to the growth of siblings raised in the same family. Most of us know of families that have two or more children. Each child may have different personality traits and character temperaments. Two children are raised in the same home environment and by all indications basically treated the same. Yet one grows into a strong and wise person able to handle adversity in a positive way, while the other grows up passive and making unwise choices. What makes the difference in the makeup and character of the two siblings?

As I thought about this, I formed a few ideas:

• We need to take into consideration the dynamics of gene formation; no two children have the same DNA. This is the first and important hidden difference.
• Then, of course there is the birth order situation. Research shows that a child’s birth order can have a significant determination on his/her behavior.
• As much as we may not want to believe it, no two children are raised exactly alike. Take into consideration, how the oldest child may face stricter rules, while subsequent children may be allowed more freedom
• We also want to consider that through the years, the positive emotional growth, as experienced by the parents themselves, will impact the children.
• Another important aspect that contributes to the sibling differences is the temperament/personalities of the children, and how each trait is strengthened or altered by the expectations of parents and society.

Let’s take a look at our own children or siblings and see how different they are. Should you have someone in your family whose growth resembles that of the stray elm tree, remember they did not choose their temperament, birth order, or genes. As for the stray elm tree, we have the option of pruning it and getting rid of the dangerous and awkward branches. This would definitely enhance its structural integrity and aesthetic value. So with any negative differences we see, let’s first strive toward changing our own behavior toward them. If our behavior is hurtful, critical, or manipulative, then let us work toward boosting their self-image by emphasizing all the positive aspects of their growth and behavior, and deemphasizing all the negative ones.

What may be their greatest needs?

• To be accepted like they are
• For us to take the time to really understand why they are like they are
• To set boundaries as to their behavior and know when we need to take a step back
• To encourage and challenge them to make more healthy choices

Have a laugh on me!

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.

Better to be safe than…punch a 5th grader.

Never underestimate the power of…termites.

You can lead a horse to water but…how?

Don’t bite the hand that…looks dirty.

No news is… impossible.

A miss is as good as a… Mr.

You can’t teach an old dog new… math.

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll… stink in the morning.

Love all, trust… me.

The pen is mightier than the… pigs.
Until next time…this is Nurse Audrey signing off.

This morning as I was having a shower and while the water was coursing down my face, I reached out for what I thought was the shampoo. I placed a dab of it in my hand and rubbed it through my hair, but somehow the result was not what I expected. It did not lather or foam up; something just did not feel right. Through my blurred vision and sense of feel, I realized that, as I have done before, I had picked up the conditioner instead of the shampoo! Choosing the only other bottle available, I massaged its contents through my hair. To my delight, it was the shampoo; things were now in order!

This may seem like a simple example of an idea I want to present, but in it lies an important message. How many times have we taken a course of action that we thought was the right one, only to find out later that it was not? The consequences that followed our actions may have negatively impacted not only us but also our families and our job situation. It is important that to avoid making wrong choices when facing a challenge, a problem, or opportunity that we not just ask ourselves questions about, but answer them too.

Some of the lessons we can learn:

I believe that we all face challenges that require us to make wise decisions, because these challenges are presented for our personal growth. Now, I can hear some groans, and one of them is coming from me! These challenges can be compared to the skins of an onion. Each layer represents a lesson to be learned. And if we have failed to learn from the last lesson, we may find ourselves facing more difficult challenges as we peel off the skins from succeeding layers. Every one of us can learn from our mistakes and turn them into strengths that will help build our character. Or we can do as I did with the conditioner, not looking carefully at the label and thereby failing once again to learn from the last time. Even so, in the future I will set the shampoo and the conditioner in separate locations before showering, and from this lesson make wise decisions before taking any future course of action.
Why have we not learned from past lessons?

• It may be that we did not take the time to carefully process the initial information and, therefore, we fail to grow and learn from it.

• Sometimes we may have issues that stem from our upbringing, and the process of delving into the past to learn from them may be too painful. In order to cope with life, we behave in a way consistent with our upbringing. And we continue to face everyday life making the same mistakes, not learning from past lessons.

• It may be that we are in a codependent relationship where our behavior is dependent on what others think of us. We want to please them, and so to avoid conflict, we continue to make the same mistakes. 

I encourage each of you, as I will do, not to focus on your past mistakes, but rather learn from them. It will help bring out your best and the best others.

Thought’s for the Day:

There is a certain relief in change, even though it be from bad to worse; as I found in traveling in a stagecoach, that it is often a comfort to shift one’s position and be bruised in a new place.
~ Washington Irving, Tales of a Traveler

Determination, patience and courage are the only things needed to improve a situation. And, if you want a situation changed badly enough, you will find these three things.
~ Anonymous

Until next time, this is Nurse Audrey signing off.